Which is why I'm terribly confused as to how it was I found myself sitting on my toilet at 3am Sunday morning, half dressed and covered in red wine vomit.
How does this happen? I'm not a qualified medical practitioner, but I am able to think critically about my own actions. So I've spent the last 1.5 days eating dry toast and contemplating the REALITY of my relationship with alcohol. Here's what I've decided:
- I'm not used to it so I don't know how to handle it. When I'm drunk I'm not familiar with the point at which I should say "enough now... make the next one a glass of water", so I just keep drinking.
- I'm easily influenced. If someone hands me a drink, I won't say "no thank, just the mineral water for me!". I'll drink it and then shout the next round.
- I'm a fun/funny drunk and I think that the social acceptance and/or overcoming potentially awkward social situations (ie who do I know at this birthday party? nobody. *sigh*) is attractive (read: intoxicating) for me.
- I'm getting older. My body is getting older. I cannot afford to behave the way I used to with drugs and alcohol because recovery is now a 2 day process. And it's incredibly unattractive and anti-social.
I'm sure there are far deeper psychological issues that a professional could identify me as having. I'm not chasing a diagnosis though - I'm chasing a new relationship with the grog. So I've set myself a challenge...